Life of an Immigrant : Living two lives

As an immigrant, I often live two lives.

One here the life I’m building from scratch. And one there the life I paused, packed everything in two suitcases neatly folded in memory.Sometimes I wonder if people around me know I live as two people.Not in a dramatic way. I don’t hide it. But I feel it, always.

The “Here” Me

She’s independent. Clear. Fluent in systems and small talk.She knows how to pronounce her name so it lands easier on other tongues.

She knows when to code-switch, when to nod politely, when to say “No worries” even when there is worry.She’s efficient. Adaptable. Pleasant.But she fits in. Mostly.

🏠 The “There” Me

She’s softer. Slower. Sometimes sarcastic in her mother tongue.

She eats masala food , prays without being told, and laughs louder.She doesn’t translate her feelings , she just feels them.

What nobody tells us is how exhausting it can be to code-switch not just your language, but your personality!

Maybe one day, I’ll stop trying to choose. Maybe both versions are home

Too Foreign for Here, Too Changed for Home

There’s a strange ache in knowing you don’t fully belong anywhere. Here, I’m the one who pronounces things a little differently. Who still translates measurements in my head. Who brings samosas to the work potluck and watches people hesitate before trying them.

And when I go back “home”?

I’m suddenly too much. Too Western. Too soft-spoken. Too questioning.

Too foreign for the same streets I grew up on. Too distant from minds that never left.

It’s like carrying a passport in my pocket but not knowing where I emotionally reside.

So Which One Is the Real Me?

• Both.

• Neither.

• I don’t know anymore. And maybe I don’t need to.

Maybe its split. Maybe its layered.

Maybe being two people is what it takes to be whole when your world stretches across continent.

---

A Few Real Things That Helped Me Feel Less Like a Foreigner (Everywhere)

1.Unlearning the Pressure to “Choose”

For a long time, I felt like I had to either be fully “here” or fully “there.” Letting go of that binary thinking changed everything. I’m allowed to be both. I don’t owe anyone a clean answer to where am I really from.

2.Letting Myself Speak My First Language Without Apologising and putting on Accent when ever needed !

Even casually with myself, in notes, in prayer. Speaking in my mother tongue reminds me who I was before I adjusted everything to fit in. It’s like talking to a deeper part of myself that never left. People from home definitely comment back saying I’m faking my accent , but am I supposed to still talk with Indian accent with my work colleagues ? Again judgemental , but I’m not apologetic!

3.Eating Without Westernising Everything

I stopped needing to “explain” my food. I started packing it with pride pongal, biryani, the whole thing. Letting myself enjoy what tastes like home, even in unfamiliar places, felt oddly powerful.

4.Calling Family Without Guilt

Not just on birthdays. Sometimes I just need to hear my mom describe the weather in our hometown, what has she cooked and those few minute call makes me feel rooted, makes me feel home even though I’m thousand miles away.

5.Being Around People Who Don’t Ask Me to Shrink

I stopped forcing myself to “neutralise” my identity around people who don’t understand or respect it. Now I seek out people even one or two who let me be all versions of myself without making me translate.

6.Making Peace With Feeling Split

Some days I feel like I’m floating between two worlds. That used to scare me. But now I’ve accepted maybe I’m not lost, maybe I’m layered. And that’s not weakness. That’s survival.

---

🪷 This blog is for everyone living between cultures, between accents, between worlds and still showing up every day like it’s normal. We are not too much of one or not enough of another. We are everything and we’ve lived through !Be proud of it , not everyone and anyone can pack their whole life in two suitcases and move to a whole new country to start a new life ! We did it and we are acing the balance.